Here I am at the dawning of a new semester of life at Grove City.
Perhaps it's a characteristic of all fall semesters, but this past semester passed very quickly, much like my first. I can't decide if the speed is a good thing or a bad thing, but it doesn't much matter, I suppose. I can't control it anyway.
As I was contemplating ideas for this entry, this sentence popped into my head: "I feel like I'm not in control of my own life." I don't mean that I necessarily feel that way...just that as I looked at various aspects of my life, it occurred to me that I can't control them. Then it occurred to me that sometimes people take these thoughts to an extreme and utter the aforementioned phrase.
As it turns out, that statement is usually (entirely) true, and the sooner we realize it, the happier we'll be.
I'm not in control of my own life.
I'm not in control of my own life.
I'm not in control of my own life.
God is.
I can make choices. I can take action. I can say things. I can think things.
I cannot control everything, and that is most definitely a good thing. Undoubtedly I would mess up a large amount of things. And I have. And that's okay, because those mistakes ultimately send me back to the only one who can take full control. And that's where I find myself now. I find myself confused, weak, trying, and trusting with hope and optimism that if I rely solely on God, He'll take control.
It's a very hard thing for me to do. It's a hard thing for anyone to do, sure, but I think I have a particularly hard time with it. I've been searching my past and memories lately to find some mile marker that I can point to and say, "there it is. There is the moment that caused me to desire control of everything." Alas, no such marker exists, or if it does, I've lost it.
In order to illustrate the extent of my desire to control (without dragging you into some emotional battlefield), I'll relay to you the story of my dinner this evening.
Upon arriving in Grove City, my Dad and I searched around for a place to eat dinner together before he brought me to the dorm to unload. After driving around for an entirely unnecessary half-hour, we ended up at the Pizza Hut. I like pizza. I wanted dinner to be fast so that I could go settle in. It seemed like a good choice.
It was not.
We were seated within minutes of our entrance to the restaurant. It seemed promising. It turned out, however, that those running the restaurant believed that the most important part of service was prompt seating, and that every other aspect could be sacrificed...taking our orders for example.
We sat down in an incredibly dimly lit booth on the far side of the restaurant, a dimly lit booth that was to be our home for the next hour.
After about ten minutes, a waitress came over and took our drink orders, quickly running off before we could tell her that we'd like to order our food, too. In another five minutes our drinks arrived and five minutes after that, our waitress returned to take our dinner order. My dad ordered a hoagie and I ordered a pizza with three toppings...
Me: "I'd like a single serving pizza with pepperoni, banana peppers and extra cheese."
Waitress: *confused look* *scribbling* *confused look* "Pepperoni, banana peppers and cheese."
Me: "Yes."
Now, normally when a waitress gives me that kind of look, I know something's up. Honestly, my immediate instinct was to stand up and look at what she had written down. I'm not even kidding. I wanted to SO badly (controlcontrolcontrol). But I didn't (small victory), partly because she repeated the order back correctly. Turns out that repetition was a fluke.
For the next forty minutes we were basically ignored by every worker in that restaurant. No apologies. No offers of discounts. No drink refills. No updates on why it would take forty minutes to cook a small pizza.
This was my moment of greatest desire to control. At about minute 35, I was shaking in my booth. I punched one hand into the other. I tapped on the table. I wanted, very badly, to walk up to the counter, go behind it and find my order sitting there. I honestly thought about going back and asking if I could make the pizza myself.
Basically the night was like a series of small victories.
Eventually, a waitress got close enough for us to flag her down. After hearing that we had been waiting for over half and hour, she said she'd check on our order (no apology). She apparently spent the next five minutes checking. Let me tell you -- when you're hungry and annoyed and hungry and impatient, five minutes is a long time.
Eventually we got the food. The only thing on the pizza was banana peppers and the normal amount of cheese. Now, usually I would simply tell the waitress that the order was wrong and ask her to go add some pepperonis (very politely, of course), but I was too worried that they would take another hour to do that, so I made no comment. My next thought was that I could perhaps sneak into the kitchen and grab some pepperonis without anyone noticing. Now, obviously I didn't...but it did cross my mind.
After we ate, it took another five billion hours for us to realize that it would take them five billion hours to bring us the bill, so we just went up to the counter and waited there for someone to notice us, which happened promptly (perhaps they thought we were waiting to be seated).
The End.
Wow. That story took a long time to tell, it wasn't that good and it didn't really illustrate my point, much. Oh well. I think that I partly just wanted to vent about my less than poor dining experience.
I don't have much else to say. I suppose I would leave you with this though -- **see the insightful bit about God being in control**
Monday, January 21, 2008
Sunday, January 13, 2008
When In Rome
How much do we influence each other's actions?
How much do we influence the actions of our friends?
How much do our friends influence our actions?
How much should we let our friends influence our actions?
I think that there are a large group of people in the world who are labeled as "followers," who don't consciously choose to constantly follow the decisions of others. They go through life, and a few noticeable choices happen to match those of people around them. Suddenly they are a "follower," or perhaps, "conformist." They don't have thoughts of their own. They don't have opinions of their own.
Or so we say.
I think that there are a large group of people in the world, who are labeled as "conformists" by their fellow humans, who in actuality just do what they want, regardless of whether or not other people do it. Or maybe they began certain practices because of other people, but continue them because it brings them joy.
On the flip side, there are also those people out there who are being controlled by the masses. They appear to be independent and free spirited. They appear to be original. But, they are more influenced by others than the first group.
And, of course, a lot of us would like to say we fall into the category of "somewhere in the middle," and rightly so. I think it's just sort of a commentary on how much labels can affect how we view people as much as it's a commentary on conformity.
There are varying degrees of conformity in every one's life. It's how we live. I eat cereal for breakfast (sometimes). Why? Because that's what people eat for breakfast. AND because I enjoy having cereal for breakfast. The original reason that I chose to eat cereal (aside from the fact that my parents probably fed it to me) for breakfast is that it's a common practice amongst Americans. However, the reason that I continue the practice is because I enjoy doing so.
Does that make me a conformist? Am I just a mindless follower in the realm of breakfast foods? Most people wouldn't argue that.
When I was in middle school, I shopped at American Eagle for jeans. It was a very popular store then. Everyone else was wearing American Eagle gear, so why shouldn't I? I went to the store and bought a pair of jeans. It was probably one of the best purchases I've ever made. For about three years, I would only wear American Eagle jeans. This is not because I was "brand conscious" by any means. They were just the best fitting, longest lasting jeans I had ever tried. Upon first glance, though, I was simply conforming to the standards set down by popular teens everywhere.
Does that make me a conformist? Do I just want to wear whatever fashion is the most popular at the time? (yes, go ahead and laugh. I know I'm far from "fashionable.")
My entire immediate family up to this point graduated from Grove City College. When I went searching for a college, I knew only one thing -- I wouldn't end up at Grove City. I just wasn't going to follow the family trend. I wasn't going to settle for what my family chose. I wasn't going to fit into that box.
The problem is this: after visiting a lot of other colleges, only Grove City felt right. Only Grove City had what I was looking for. Turns out there's a reason that my family all decided to go to Grove.
And that's when I realized that deciding not to do something just because other people do it, is just as wrong as deciding to do something just because other people do it.
I suppose the question then becomes: how wrong are those reasons?
I can't say that making a choice based on the fact that others before you made it is necessarily wrong. Perhaps you trust the opinions of your friends. Perhaps you know that you like similar music, so when your friend buys a CD, you immediately buy it too. You're not at fault.
I could go on with hundreds [exaggeration] of other examples, but I'll spare you the dry explanations. The point I'm making is that we need to reevaluate the basis of everyday claims and connotations that we simply accept as true without a second thought. And so it comes around again....you shouldn't simply accept thoughts that others hold true simply because they've always been thought.
I love how inconclusive my thought process is. [Seriously. If my thought process were entirely conclusive, I would probably cease thinking.]
How much do we influence the actions of our friends?
How much do our friends influence our actions?
How much should we let our friends influence our actions?
I think that there are a large group of people in the world who are labeled as "followers," who don't consciously choose to constantly follow the decisions of others. They go through life, and a few noticeable choices happen to match those of people around them. Suddenly they are a "follower," or perhaps, "conformist." They don't have thoughts of their own. They don't have opinions of their own.
Or so we say.
I think that there are a large group of people in the world, who are labeled as "conformists" by their fellow humans, who in actuality just do what they want, regardless of whether or not other people do it. Or maybe they began certain practices because of other people, but continue them because it brings them joy.
On the flip side, there are also those people out there who are being controlled by the masses. They appear to be independent and free spirited. They appear to be original. But, they are more influenced by others than the first group.
And, of course, a lot of us would like to say we fall into the category of "somewhere in the middle," and rightly so. I think it's just sort of a commentary on how much labels can affect how we view people as much as it's a commentary on conformity.
There are varying degrees of conformity in every one's life. It's how we live. I eat cereal for breakfast (sometimes). Why? Because that's what people eat for breakfast. AND because I enjoy having cereal for breakfast. The original reason that I chose to eat cereal (aside from the fact that my parents probably fed it to me) for breakfast is that it's a common practice amongst Americans. However, the reason that I continue the practice is because I enjoy doing so.
Does that make me a conformist? Am I just a mindless follower in the realm of breakfast foods? Most people wouldn't argue that.
When I was in middle school, I shopped at American Eagle for jeans. It was a very popular store then. Everyone else was wearing American Eagle gear, so why shouldn't I? I went to the store and bought a pair of jeans. It was probably one of the best purchases I've ever made. For about three years, I would only wear American Eagle jeans. This is not because I was "brand conscious" by any means. They were just the best fitting, longest lasting jeans I had ever tried. Upon first glance, though, I was simply conforming to the standards set down by popular teens everywhere.
Does that make me a conformist? Do I just want to wear whatever fashion is the most popular at the time? (yes, go ahead and laugh. I know I'm far from "fashionable.")
My entire immediate family up to this point graduated from Grove City College. When I went searching for a college, I knew only one thing -- I wouldn't end up at Grove City. I just wasn't going to follow the family trend. I wasn't going to settle for what my family chose. I wasn't going to fit into that box.
The problem is this: after visiting a lot of other colleges, only Grove City felt right. Only Grove City had what I was looking for. Turns out there's a reason that my family all decided to go to Grove.
And that's when I realized that deciding not to do something just because other people do it, is just as wrong as deciding to do something just because other people do it.
I suppose the question then becomes: how wrong are those reasons?
I can't say that making a choice based on the fact that others before you made it is necessarily wrong. Perhaps you trust the opinions of your friends. Perhaps you know that you like similar music, so when your friend buys a CD, you immediately buy it too. You're not at fault.
I could go on with hundreds [exaggeration] of other examples, but I'll spare you the dry explanations. The point I'm making is that we need to reevaluate the basis of everyday claims and connotations that we simply accept as true without a second thought. And so it comes around again....you shouldn't simply accept thoughts that others hold true simply because they've always been thought.
Where can a teacher go?
Wherever she thinks people need the things she knows.
Hey, those books you gave us look good on the shelves at home,
And they’ll burn warm in the fireplace, Teacher, when in Rome
I love how inconclusive my thought process is. [Seriously. If my thought process were entirely conclusive, I would probably cease thinking.]
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Conflict Resolution
I think that "conflict resolution" is sort of a catchphrase in the business world at the moment. Of course, within that context it has to do with being able to deal with conflicts between two or more people, usually in a corporate setting. However, the phrase can take on many different meanings, and none of the aspects I am about to address will likely have anything at all to do with business.
The particular conflict resolution that I'm exploring in this first bit is of the introspective kind. Thus, a section title, I suppose, would be
The resurrection of this blog has come about because of this lengthy break from school. A break from school means a break from constant interaction. And in my case in particular, it means an extreme amount of alone time. This time with myself is not unwelcome. I require it. By the end of the semester, I'm usually craving it. However, when I spend so much time with myself instead of interacting with other people, I end up thinking about how I interact with people. A lot.
Again, this is not necessarily a bad thing, so long as I'm able to keep a certain...hmm...positive perspective of myself. To be honest, though, whenever I spend hours and hours in one single person's company, I tend to involuntarily focus on their flaws. Over break, that one single person is me. Spending hours doing nothing but focusing on my flaws is probably incredibly unhealthy. I'm willing to admit, right here and now, that I have a problem letting myself off the hook. I know I've written before that I have issues forgiving myself. Well, it's still true, and not just for instances of gross personal error, but even in cases where my personality appears to rub people the wrong way.
[At this point the topic of the blog may seem to slightly shift, but stay with me and I promise that it will all come around full circle. As you can see, I have about a month and a half of introspection built up within me and a large majority of it will be spilled into this post. We're nowhere near the end. You have been warned.]
In order to look more closely at my only personal inner conflict, I first needed to ponder humanity as a whole. The following is an account of my observations regarding something I like to call
How many of you have either heard someone use the phrase "two-faced" or used it yourself? *everyone's hands raise* I knew it. I just knew it.
As humans I think we tend to focus a lot on how other people act. For those of us who spend a lot of time analyzing actions and words of others, the conclusion is often made that certain people act differently toward different people.
We think
"That's not what she would have said if I did that."
Or
"When I asked him to do such-and-such, he said he didn't want to, but there he is now doing such-and-such with her."
Or
"I bet if *insert name* were going to be there, she would come with us."
It's not uncommon. It's human nature to think these things. However, what I've come to understand is that it's also human nature to be on the other side of these statements. All of those are seen as generally negative statements, but I would argue that that is not necessarily true.
Related to those instances, and perhaps more related to the use of the term "two-faced," is the idea that people act differently in different groups of people. If someone observed me interacting with a group of friends from home and then observed me interacting with my friends from school, they may notice a difference in my actions and behavior. They may presume that this indicates I'm being "a different person" when I'm around various others. It may influence them to call me "two-faced" or say that "[I]'ve changed" or that I'm "not who [they] thought [I was]."
All of this would be a waste of breath.
I'm guilty of similar thoughts. I think that people "have changed." What does that even mean? I've used the phrase "it's like they're a different person." Not only is this grammatically incorrect, but it's also probably not true. They are the same person. I just haven't seen that side of them before. People can change, but just because they act in a way that isn't consistent with how I viewed them previously doesn't mean that they've undergone some huge transformation. All it means is that some aspects of their personalities (which probably have changed very little throughout our acquaintance) are highlighted when they interact with me. Others are highlighted when they interact with people different than me.
One personality can demonstrate a thousand different facets when put in a thousand different situations. This isn't to say that no one's personality ever undergoes great change. I'm willing to concede that if you compared my personality in early middle school to my personality now, it would be considerably different.
I just don't believe that we can legitimately call people "inconsistent" as much as we might like to do so. Now, what exactly triggers these different flashes of the same personality is another conversation completely, and one best left for another day. For now I'm going to bring this topic back to its starting point.
Me.
Or, I guess, more specifically,
As you will remember, I've spent time focusing on my flaws. I've discovered in this analysis that my flaws in some situations are actually strengths in others.
If I'm in a group of people who are very competitive and we're playing a game, then it is more fun for everyone involved if I exhibit my competitive nature. Similarly, if I'm in a rugby game and we're down by a lot of points, because of my competitive nature I'm going to continue to play as hard as I possibly can. In this specific case, my competitiveness often leads to optimism.
However, if it's Christmas day and I'm sitting down to a nice board game with my family, which involves...less competitive people, going into extreme "I WANT TO WIN" mode is probably not advisable.
This is where I run into a problem in my introspection. I have trouble sometimes deciding which parts of my personality I need to cut out, because it's hard to determine at what point it becomes more a hazard than a help. (I'm not talking solely about competitiveness, by the way. It was just an illustration.)
When I look only at flaws the outlook becomes bleak, fuzzy and confusing. So where do I go from there?
It's simple, really.
Instead of asking "What do I not want people to see in me?" and "What do I not want to be?" I should ask "What do I want people to see when they look at me?" and "What do I want to be?"
The answers to those questions are much more attainable. I want people to see me as a woman of God.
As for the second question, when I was thinking about this entry, and thinking about how I would answer that question, I remembered an encouraging email I received from a friend last year. The subject line read "Romans 12:12."
That's what I want to be...
The particular conflict resolution that I'm exploring in this first bit is of the introspective kind. Thus, a section title, I suppose, would be
"Internal Conflict Resolution."
The resurrection of this blog has come about because of this lengthy break from school. A break from school means a break from constant interaction. And in my case in particular, it means an extreme amount of alone time. This time with myself is not unwelcome. I require it. By the end of the semester, I'm usually craving it. However, when I spend so much time with myself instead of interacting with other people, I end up thinking about how I interact with people. A lot.
Again, this is not necessarily a bad thing, so long as I'm able to keep a certain...hmm...positive perspective of myself. To be honest, though, whenever I spend hours and hours in one single person's company, I tend to involuntarily focus on their flaws. Over break, that one single person is me. Spending hours doing nothing but focusing on my flaws is probably incredibly unhealthy. I'm willing to admit, right here and now, that I have a problem letting myself off the hook. I know I've written before that I have issues forgiving myself. Well, it's still true, and not just for instances of gross personal error, but even in cases where my personality appears to rub people the wrong way.
[At this point the topic of the blog may seem to slightly shift, but stay with me and I promise that it will all come around full circle. As you can see, I have about a month and a half of introspection built up within me and a large majority of it will be spilled into this post. We're nowhere near the end. You have been warned.]
In order to look more closely at my only personal inner conflict, I first needed to ponder humanity as a whole. The following is an account of my observations regarding something I like to call
"Personality Conflict Resolution."
How many of you have either heard someone use the phrase "two-faced" or used it yourself? *everyone's hands raise* I knew it. I just knew it.
As humans I think we tend to focus a lot on how other people act. For those of us who spend a lot of time analyzing actions and words of others, the conclusion is often made that certain people act differently toward different people.
We think
"That's not what she would have said if I did that."
Or
"When I asked him to do such-and-such, he said he didn't want to, but there he is now doing such-and-such with her."
Or
"I bet if *insert name* were going to be there, she would come with us."
It's not uncommon. It's human nature to think these things. However, what I've come to understand is that it's also human nature to be on the other side of these statements. All of those are seen as generally negative statements, but I would argue that that is not necessarily true.
Related to those instances, and perhaps more related to the use of the term "two-faced," is the idea that people act differently in different groups of people. If someone observed me interacting with a group of friends from home and then observed me interacting with my friends from school, they may notice a difference in my actions and behavior. They may presume that this indicates I'm being "a different person" when I'm around various others. It may influence them to call me "two-faced" or say that "[I]'ve changed" or that I'm "not who [they] thought [I was]."
All of this would be a waste of breath.
I'm guilty of similar thoughts. I think that people "have changed." What does that even mean? I've used the phrase "it's like they're a different person." Not only is this grammatically incorrect, but it's also probably not true. They are the same person. I just haven't seen that side of them before. People can change, but just because they act in a way that isn't consistent with how I viewed them previously doesn't mean that they've undergone some huge transformation. All it means is that some aspects of their personalities (which probably have changed very little throughout our acquaintance) are highlighted when they interact with me. Others are highlighted when they interact with people different than me.
One personality can demonstrate a thousand different facets when put in a thousand different situations. This isn't to say that no one's personality ever undergoes great change. I'm willing to concede that if you compared my personality in early middle school to my personality now, it would be considerably different.
I just don't believe that we can legitimately call people "inconsistent" as much as we might like to do so. Now, what exactly triggers these different flashes of the same personality is another conversation completely, and one best left for another day. For now I'm going to bring this topic back to its starting point.
Me.
Or, I guess, more specifically,
"Internal Conflict Resolution"
(with an emphasis on "resolution")
As you will remember, I've spent time focusing on my flaws. I've discovered in this analysis that my flaws in some situations are actually strengths in others.
If I'm in a group of people who are very competitive and we're playing a game, then it is more fun for everyone involved if I exhibit my competitive nature. Similarly, if I'm in a rugby game and we're down by a lot of points, because of my competitive nature I'm going to continue to play as hard as I possibly can. In this specific case, my competitiveness often leads to optimism.
However, if it's Christmas day and I'm sitting down to a nice board game with my family, which involves...less competitive people, going into extreme "I WANT TO WIN" mode is probably not advisable.
This is where I run into a problem in my introspection. I have trouble sometimes deciding which parts of my personality I need to cut out, because it's hard to determine at what point it becomes more a hazard than a help. (I'm not talking solely about competitiveness, by the way. It was just an illustration.)
When I look only at flaws the outlook becomes bleak, fuzzy and confusing. So where do I go from there?
It's simple, really.
Instead of asking "What do I not want people to see in me?" and "What do I not want to be?" I should ask "What do I want people to see when they look at me?" and "What do I want to be?"
The answers to those questions are much more attainable. I want people to see me as a woman of God.
As for the second question, when I was thinking about this entry, and thinking about how I would answer that question, I remembered an encouraging email I received from a friend last year. The subject line read "Romans 12:12."
That's what I want to be...
Joyful in hope,
Patient in affliction,
And faithful in prayer.
If I can concentrate on being seen as a woman of God who is joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer, somehow I doubt that I'll have to worry much about what I'm not being.
Internal conflict resolved.
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