Expectation

It's a dangerous word. It really is. I consider it to be my downfall.

And what's worse- it's inescapable. I'm not sure how much control we have over our own expectations, but I do know that we have no control over whether or not we have them. Some people claim to have "zero expectations." They may not realize it, but they are liars.

When you open your eyes, you expect to see. When you reach out and touch something, you expect to feel it. When you drive down the street, you expect to make it to your final destination without crashing. The truth of the matter is that you may not see, you may not feel, you may crash. Does that mean you shouldn't expect any of these things? Absolutely not. But where do you draw the line?

Perhaps if we break our expectations into categories (which we often do subconsciously) it will help us to assess the situation more clearly.

[R]ealistic Expectations versus [U]nrealistic Expectations

• When I wake up tomorrow, I will go downstairs and there will be something in the kitchen that I can eat for breakfast. [R]
• When I wake up tomorrow, the door will open and my mother will walk in with a tray of my favorite breakfast foods prepared especially for me and serve me breakfast in bed. [U]
• Before I leave for school on the 24th, I will have all of my things packed. [R]
• I will have all of my things packed at 9 p.m. on the night before I leave for school so that I might ensure that I get a full night's rest. [U]
• I will enjoy some of my classes some of the time. Others I may not enjoy at all. [R]
• I will love all of my classes, because I picked them and I heard good things about the professors. [U]
• Upon my return to Grove City, I will be reunited with friends, be on the same campus, etc, but things will be very different from last year's experience. [R]
• Upon my return to Grove City, everything I enjoyed about last year will be exactly as I remember it, and all of the downsides will be non-existent. [U]

Now. My mother could potentially burst into my room at 10 a.m. tomorrow with a tray of breakfast foods. I could end up packing ahead of time. I could end up adoring every class. My experience this year could be near perfect. But if I were a gambler, I'd stake thousands and thousands of dollars on none of that coming true.

However, the set of realistic expectations is much more vague than those that are unrealistic. And I have an overactive imagination. Despite the fact that my rational side would argue that I should accept the reality and think no more on the subject, in some cases, my brain simply won't allow it. At the same time, I know that to hope for those unrealistic expectations would just be setting myself up for failure. Failure isn't very appealing. So where does my mind go? Pessimism.

• I will be woken up early (undoubtedly by the piano being played, or the dog barking, or a neighbor's lawn mower). I will have a headache. I will trudge downstairs only to find that we're out of milk, eggs and bread. [U]
• I will be so behind in packing, that I'll rush and forget everything I meant to bring, including my contacts, glasses and all of my pants. [U]
• I will absolutely despise every class I have and fail them all. [U]
• I will return to school to find that every friend I thought I had hates me, and I hate being at college. [U]

The conclusion I've come to is that unrealistic expectations can, themselves, be divided into two different categories -- Optimism and Pessimism.

The question I have is this: Which is better?

If you're optimistic, you will have a more positive attitude. You will be encouraging to others. You will sometimes have your expectations be met, and will use that affirmation to fuel the belief in further positive (potentially unrealistic) expectations. Often your expectations will not be met, but you won't let that get you down...until it happens one too many times and you see your bubble of hope disintegrate before your eyes.

If you're pessimistic, you will have a more negative attitude. You may be called a "downer" if you express your expectations aloud. Your expectations will sometimes be met, and you will use those unpleasant outcomes to fuel your belief in further negative (potentially unrealistic) expectations. Most of the time your expectations will be surpassed, and most of the time you'll enjoy it, but continue to expect the worst...until the world hands you too many happy endings and you begin to expect a bit more.

These are extremes. More than personality types, I believe that they are attitudes. I struggle between which is better -- to feel good now and be disappointed later, or to expect less and be pleasantly surprised.

Too often I expect too much from the world. I expect too much from myself. And worst of all, I expect too much from other people.

Too often I express too much doubt. I'm too hard on myself. And worst of all, I don't trust other people.

It's a fine wire to walk. Dangerous. And after all of this contemplation and self-analysis, what end have I come to? What great truth about life have I uncovered? That I need to listen to myself much less, and God much more.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:34