God
Family
Friends
Shelter
Food
Blah
Blah
Blah
Doesn't really make for an interesting entry? Okay. I guess I'll dig a little deeper (despite the fact that I could easily fall asleep with my hands on this keyboard). Perhaps I shouldn't be lying down while writing this...
I'm going to elaborate on something I'm thankful for that's not on the list. I suppose it would be a subheading under "God" and "Friends." It's something God's changed about me that I really appreciate. I never thought I'd say that. I never thought it would change, and I never thought that I'd appreciate this particular change...but life surprises me sometimes.
I'm thankful that I've learned to be more open. Not only to be more open, but to be okay with being more open, and to see the value in being more open. I'd say it's something that changed over the course of the last year, and maybe it started over a year ago when I came to Grove City.
Now, being more open doesn't mean I go telling strangers my life story. Nor does it mean I go around telling acquaintances my life story. In fact, overall I'd say people would still consider me to be a reserved person when it comes to my thoughts and feelings. And, I suppose, compared to others, I am more reserved. It's all relative. I'm okay with that. I'm fine being reserved.
What's not okay is being shut off.
Being unwilling to open up to anyone.
Being so untrusting of every other human in the world that I refused to let them in.
Being so afraid of being misunderstood that I didn't give anyone the chance to understand.
And that's the root of why it's a problem, really. I know I've written before about how I long to be understood (I think the title of the post was "Friendship"). That, I think, is what most humans seek in their relationships--to be understood and to understand others. Up until this past year, I think I had developed a very good understanding of other people. I spent so much time observing and listening and absorbing that I'm fairly good at reading people, at understanding people, at "getting" people. That's a good skill to have, and I don't think it's bad at all. The problem, of course, is that I felt hopeless that anyone else could possibly understand me(...which proooobably sounds arrogant, but it's what I thought, so I don't care).
It occurs to me now (hindsight 20/20) that the reason people didn't understand me was because I refused to let them in. I refused to tell them what I really thought, what I really felt. Obviously when you let people know those things, you're opening yourself up to the chance of rejection and hurt. However, you're also opening yourself up to the chance of close friendship and bonding. That's not to say that I didn't have close friendships before college...just that they took a lot longer to build.
I can now honestly say that there are a handful of people who understand me. Who really understand me. And there are another handful who are on their way :)
I love them all. I do. Whether we're really close at the moment or not, I will always be thankful to have met them and to have been understood.
Like I said, I'm surprised. I would not have believed you if you told me a year and a half ago that I'd be such an open person (in my eyes).
That's something I've come to understand about life, too. No matter how much I may want to figure out my future, no matter how much I want to analyze my life and where it's been, no matter how much I plan for where things will be a year from now...the only thing I know is that I'll probably be surprised.
I'm not gonna state
Obvious observations everybody makes
But, baby, be prepared to be surprised
Better be prepared to be surprised
Baby, be prepared to be surprised
14 comments:
Marjorie, of COURSE I noticed! Do you really think I would forget about Blog Tuesday (much as I doubt you would ever forget about Drug Wednesday/Thursday/whatever)?
Anyway, I'm not upset because I imagine I will do something similar to fulfill my requirement tonight... Plus, if I post anything overly spiteful, it will look odd when you edit the post to include an actual blog. I believe I learned that lesson last time!
Alright, well, I hope you're having a wonderful break. Talk to you soon!
unfortunately.. you forgot ME!!!
thanks a LOT marjorie
haha, anyways, i hope that you are not too miserably tired from cleaning everything. P.S. - thanksgiving at our house has been cancelled, THANK GOODNESS
have a wonderful Thanksgiving tomorrow (and exactly where is your 'edited' post is for today... BUT YOU STILL HAVE AN HOUR AND TEN MINUTES ;-) )
marjorie....
it's thanksgiving. as in thursday, as in NOT WEDNESDAY.
i have no room to talk, seeing as i definitely owe you a message...AND i'm not even a legit blogger.
but seriously. chop chop.
Well.
I waaasssss gonna pretend like I didn't see this and that I'm not a blog stalker buuuut...yeah.
You took toooooo long to update.
Well...seeing as how it's Thursday now...lets see if I can go two weeks without a blog! Yay!
I'm in SUCH a blog writing MOOD!
But...not. at. all.
P.S. Happy Thanksgiving.
i am glad both that you are more open and that you are okay with it. I don't think i know that song (if it is a song) at the end of your post, but i imagined you standing on a table in the SAC singing it to everyone, since you are so open now, and it was VERY PLEASURING!!!!
;-)
HAPPY THANKSGIVING FOR REAL NOW, and i hope you have a wonderful evening with family and friends and everyone.
Love you!!!
there are so many things that i'd like to say...aauuughhhhh i can't even start because i'll never stop. about life surprising us. and you. and...and.... will an "Amen" suffice? to everything you said?
in a nutshell, i...love being your roommate. i love knowing that, at the end of the night, even if you are initially ASLEEP in your bed and i walk in, we can have a real conversation about real things. or we'll both be getting ready for bed and it won't be unusual for us to plop down and have a conversation for the next hour or two. i just...i just.... ughahfaw;awfaweiohwg. i just remember one particular night early last fall... that, at the time, i didn't think to be any kind of "turning point" because i didn't even know you well enough to determine that. but now, i know that it was. we were both in our beds, and we probably should've been going to sleep, and all the lights were out... but we just continued to talk. it was a wondrous step that i can look back on with a deeper fondness now.
i really appreciate you writing this post, marjorie. i can't fully explain how it makes me feel.... but it's good :)
we both know that this year and last year have been chock full of surprises already (not that we've discussed that...oh wait...) but i'm so SO glad... that i've been with you every step of the way.
:)
i'm glad you feel this way, and i'm glad it's true, and i'm glad we're friends, and i'm glad this post means you now have tons of problems and secrets that you are ready to share, and i'm glad you're gonna tell all in your next blog post, and i'm glad it's thanksgiving, and i'm glad that i'm not glad that i'm here and that i miss my friends.
Grove City seems to have that effect on people... (that is the first and probably last time I will use a happy face like that)(in fact, no, I won't use it, it's gone now)(but the spirit of it is still there.)
I'm glad that you are opening up more than you used to because now we can know what a cool person you are.
Haha... I don't really even know what to say. I'm glad you are more open and that you're okay with it. I'm really glad we got to hang out over break, and I'm glad that we understand each other a little bit more.
Great post!
(This might sound ridiculous, but I'm always a little jealous of just how good your posts are)
Marjorie...what words! I understand a lot of what you mean. One particular line resonates with me...
"Not only to be more open, but to be okay with being more open, and to see the value in being more open."
I often struggle, not only with being more open, but in trying to see that as valuable. For some reason, I often feel like there is this unwritten standard of "closed-ness" I have to live up to. My views have changed more over the last year than ever, and I hope this is the beginning of me becoming more open with people as well.
Anyway, I love that we are friends and that I've gotten to know you better this year. I love that you can write...so...well. I love that you inspire me. And I love that I get to see you again soon.
:)
I see I'm trailing Risa-chan here, too.
Well that's fine with me.
Excellent post, Marjorie.
I'm glad you made that decision. I realized that I felt the same way (a few weeks ago), but I never really had a time when I decided to do so (like you too). And then I realized it kinda happened when I came to GC and met new people and had relationships that weren't based on what sports I was in or where I sat at lunch.
We should talk after break.
Break is too long.
And, now, here is my second--REAL--comment on this post. :)
SO good, Marjorie. How many times have we discussed the concept of openness? You know how much I struggle with this, so it's nice to hear your thoughts once more.
I love how insightful your posts are. We should PROBABLY discuss this (among other things) again once we get back to school...!
See you soon! :)
Thanks for the comments. And it's so awesome to know that you read my blog. That makes me happy. :) Of course- I would still write in it if no one read it. And the fact that you loved my weird poetic ramblings. I always write them spur of the moment with no system or meter and rarely any rhyme. And I can never duplicate them or edit them because after the moment...that's it. It's probably a bad way to write "poetry", but it's the only way I enjoy it. So thanks!
Hope you had a delightful Thanksgiving!
Marjorie! I love that your title and lyrics now make sense to me...SO GOOD!
I had to revisit this post. I love your writing!
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