Conflict Resolution

I think that "conflict resolution" is sort of a catchphrase in the business world at the moment. Of course, within that context it has to do with being able to deal with conflicts between two or more people, usually in a corporate setting. However, the phrase can take on many different meanings, and none of the aspects I am about to address will likely have anything at all to do with business.

The particular conflict resolution that I'm exploring in this first bit is of the introspective kind. Thus, a section title, I suppose, would be

"Internal Conflict Resolution."

The resurrection of this blog has come about because of this lengthy break from school. A break from school means a break from constant interaction. And in my case in particular, it means an extreme amount of alone time. This time with myself is not unwelcome. I require it. By the end of the semester, I'm usually craving it. However, when I spend so much time with myself instead of interacting with other people, I end up thinking about how I interact with people. A lot.

Again, this is not necessarily a bad thing, so long as I'm able to keep a certain...hmm...positive perspective of myself. To be honest, though, whenever I spend hours and hours in one single person's company, I tend to involuntarily focus on their flaws. Over break, that one single person is me. Spending hours doing nothing but focusing on my flaws is probably incredibly unhealthy. I'm willing to admit, right here and now, that I have a problem letting myself off the hook. I know I've written before that I have issues forgiving myself. Well, it's still true, and not just for instances of gross personal error, but even in cases where my personality appears to rub people the wrong way.

[At this point the topic of the blog may seem to slightly shift, but stay with me and I promise that it will all come around full circle. As you can see, I have about a month and a half of introspection built up within me and a large majority of it will be spilled into this post. We're nowhere near the end. You have been warned.]

In order to look more closely at my only personal inner conflict, I first needed to ponder humanity as a whole. The following is an account of my observations regarding something I like to call

"Personality Conflict Resolution."

How many of you have either heard someone use the phrase "two-faced" or used it yourself? *everyone's hands raise* I knew it. I just knew it.

As humans I think we tend to focus a lot on how other people act. For those of us who spend a lot of time analyzing actions and words of others, the conclusion is often made that certain people act differently toward different people.

We think
"That's not what she would have said if I did that."
Or
"When I asked him to do such-and-such, he said he didn't want to, but there he is now doing such-and-such with her."
Or
"I bet if *insert name* were going to be there, she would come with us."

It's not uncommon. It's human nature to think these things. However, what I've come to understand is that it's also human nature to be on the other side of these statements. All of those are seen as generally negative statements, but I would argue that that is not necessarily true.

Related to those instances, and perhaps more related to the use of the term "two-faced," is the idea that people act differently in different groups of people. If someone observed me interacting with a group of friends from home and then observed me interacting with my friends from school, they may notice a difference in my actions and behavior. They may presume that this indicates I'm being "a different person" when I'm around various others. It may influence them to call me "two-faced" or say that "[I]'ve changed" or that I'm "not who [they] thought [I was]."

All of this would be a waste of breath.

I'm guilty of similar thoughts. I think that people "have changed." What does that even mean? I've used the phrase "it's like they're a different person." Not only is this grammatically incorrect, but it's also probably not true. They are the same person. I just haven't seen that side of them before. People can change, but just because they act in a way that isn't consistent with how I viewed them previously doesn't mean that they've undergone some huge transformation. All it means is that some aspects of their personalities (which probably have changed very little throughout our acquaintance) are highlighted when they interact with me. Others are highlighted when they interact with people different than me.

One personality can demonstrate a thousand different facets when put in a thousand different situations. This isn't to say that no one's personality ever undergoes great change. I'm willing to concede that if you compared my personality in early middle school to my personality now, it would be considerably different.

I just don't believe that we can legitimately call people "inconsistent" as much as we might like to do so. Now, what exactly triggers these different flashes of the same personality is another conversation completely, and one best left for another day. For now I'm going to bring this topic back to its starting point.

Me.

Or, I guess, more specifically,

"Internal Conflict Resolution"

(with an emphasis on "resolution")

As you will remember, I've spent time focusing on my flaws. I've discovered in this analysis that my flaws in some situations are actually strengths in others.

If I'm in a group of people who are very competitive and we're playing a game, then it is more fun for everyone involved if I exhibit my competitive nature. Similarly, if I'm in a rugby game and we're down by a lot of points, because of my competitive nature I'm going to continue to play as hard as I possibly can. In this specific case, my competitiveness often leads to optimism.

However, if it's Christmas day and I'm sitting down to a nice board game with my family, which involves...less competitive people, going into extreme "I WANT TO WIN" mode is probably not advisable.

This is where I run into a problem in my introspection. I have trouble sometimes deciding which parts of my personality I need to cut out, because it's hard to determine at what point it becomes more a hazard than a help. (I'm not talking solely about competitiveness, by the way. It was just an illustration.)

When I look only at flaws the outlook becomes bleak, fuzzy and confusing. So where do I go from there?

It's simple, really.
Instead of asking "What do I not want people to see in me?" and "What do I not want to be?" I should ask "What do I want people to see when they look at me?" and "What do I want to be?"

The answers to those questions are much more attainable. I want people to see me as a woman of God.

As for the second question, when I was thinking about this entry, and thinking about how I would answer that question, I remembered an encouraging email I received from a friend last year. The subject line read "Romans 12:12."

That's what I want to be...

Joyful in hope,

Patient in affliction,

And faithful in prayer.

If I can concentrate on being seen as a woman of God who is joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer, somehow I doubt that I'll have to worry much about what I'm not being.

Internal conflict resolved.