There were various answers to the question, involving broken bones, pierced skin, and my own answer -- a kidney infection. Now, I think that the question was expecting responses similar to these...full of physical pain, blood, guts. But now that the summer is over, I've come to realize that there is much worse pain than any kind of physical ailment that might befall me.
Regret.
It's honestly the most painful feeling I've ever experienced. It's just one of those feelings that's impossible to describe, too. I'm sure that anyone reading this has had the feeling at some point in their lives, though maybe not to an incredibly painful level.
God grants me forgiveness the moment I repent and ask for it. The very moment my soul seeks His forgiveness, the sin is erased in His eyes. Instantaneous. No questions asked. Amazing.
Seeking the forgiveness of those you've wronged can be humbling (and should be). It can be difficult. It can be hard. But I'm not sure I've ever asked for forgiveness from someone else and had them reject my apology.
The single hardest person to get forgiveness from is myself. That's what regret is at its most severe -- an unwillingness to forgive one's self. It's something I've been struggling with quite a bit over the past week or so. The details don't really matter. The question I have is that if the creator of the universe will forgive me and see me as holy and blameless, then why should I have such a difficult time forgiving myself?
As I was struggling with this very question, a hymn popped into my head. When I was alone I would hum or sing it to myself. In those moments when I was going through it over and over and over, I felt a peace fall over me. Then, this past Sunday while visiting a new church with some friends, I was sitting there during the service and the next thing I know, we're beginning to sing the very song I'd been repeating in my head for the past few days.
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet,
though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound,
and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
I really can't say it any better than that.
4 comments:
I love that hymn!
Wow. I promise I won't leave a long comment like my last one, but I've had the very same hymn and the very same verse from it repeating in my head over the past week- since last Saturday actually. It's such a great comfort and reassurance to me. And weirdly cool that we both have found peace in it at the same time.
Such a good hymn! And such a good post, as well (although, technically, the title should've ended in "tion," since it's still August!). :)
Anyway, I liked the comparison of physical pain to the pain instill by a strong sense of regret. I tend to think the latter is worse...
I also liked the fact that you mentioned that God forgives us instantly, but, sometimes, we have trouble forgiving ourselves. So true.
Good post, Marjorie! I look forward to seeing your other one THIS week!!!
Very good topic. Perhaps one I might explore in the future. I liked the incorporation of your camp story. The sentence about God forgiving us instantly struck me... Really, hasn't he already forgiven us for all of our sin, past, present, and future? As long as we remain dedicated to him, Christ's redemption is imputed to us. I know I'm just nitpicking now, but if we had to ask forgiveness every time we sinned, then if we lied just before we got killed in a car crash, we'd have to go to hell! Hm.. haha. I agree, forgiving ourselves is one of the hardest things to do. I think how much you can forgive yourself really determines a lot of your overall happiness. Anyway, am I the only one who was never heard that hymn?
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